What do you want?? Do tell

You tell me I'm cute

but what do you really want

You tell me to shut up

make up your mind



I want somthin real

Tell me you don't want my body.

You want me,

all of me,

just me,


I wanna hear that I have a beautiful

Soul,

Face,

Hair,

Anything but boobs or ass.


Tel me that you don't care that

I'm still innocent,

that im broken on the inside

hurt beyond repair,

and a bit selfish,



Please just tell me

you'll hold me,

when im scared.

when I'm lost,

when I'm not all there.

Pomise me you'll stay.

Aways.



Can you do that,

stay mine?

Cause I've put you to the test

told you,

I dont care.

I lied.

I do care,

more than know.



Just prove,

my thoughts wrong

That when I'm not pleasing you,

you won't turn,

away from me,

away from the shame,

the hurt.



I wanna believe you.

I do.

It may seem like you know me,

That I'll just tell you,

all there is to me.

But no,

yu've just begun to,

dismantel the wall.



It's a hard chore.

Yea it will be worth it.

But can you stick it out?

Be strong

faithfull

encouraging

Dont lie to me.



Just tell me

Is this what you want?

Broken...

I wanted you to know

that i love the way you laugh

I wanna hold you high, steal your pain away

I keep your photograph and

i know it serves me well

I wanna hold your hand, steal your pain away

cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome

And i don't feel right when your gone away....

You've gone away

You dont feel me here anymore...

The worst is over now

And we can breathe agian

I wanna hold your high, steal my pain away

Theres so much left to learn

And no one left to fight

I wanna hold your high and steal your pain

Cause I'm broken when I'm open

And I don't feel like I'm strong enough

Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome

And i dont feel right when your gone away

Take It or Leave It

I live life knowing that things and people change within seconds
so i live my life the way i want to, wether its the right way,

or the wrong way I dont care.I still live it.

its my life, and I deal with the mistakes.

So i'll take...

a shot to kill the pain.

a pill to drain the shame.
a purge to stop the gain.

a cut to break the vain.

a smoke to ease the crave.

a drink to win the game.

an addictions an addiction

cause it always hurts the same....

About me..I guess

I've been to hell and back

I spill shit, trip and embarass myself

I can't just flutter my lashes and get what I want

I've got it hard, my life is messed up.

I've messed up

I've been through more shit than you've seen on T.V

Nobody's perfect

I've been lied to, cheated on, and had my heart stolen && broken

I've fucked up, Fucked people up, and been fuck up

But every hit was worth it, cause i felt it

i knew it was real

life is real, and i'm living it wrong everyday

I'm fucking up royaly, and doing everthing opposite

but do i regret one thing??

NEVER!

Because at one point what i did was what i wanted

I got my fucking satisfaction

My life is mine

and no stupid bitch or immature person can fuck it up anymore

im the real deal

Silken lies

Ther comes a point in our lives,

where the person we love,

tells us bare faced lies.

to keep things hidden

and us by their side.

As time goes by,

we start to see throught those lies.

Especially when we start to cry inside

we no longer start to feel like standing by their side

It those colorful lies that help us see

where their heart truely lies inside

with you ..... or in somthing else

They always said they'd be there

that they'd care

but that turn out to be

the first lie

inside our hearts, we start to cry

and die a little more inside

each day they tell another

lie

Inside i knew we could have been

it was a greet time,

those moments

now memories

I knew thats how it was planned to be

but somwhere along they forgot

our song

those silken lies have become so slick

it makes me sick to hear them

Myself esteeme has kept me strong

to survive

to read between the lines

of mulitudeness lies

No longer will I cry
for the past I have cast aside

as I rise above

the silken lies

Before another lie

makes me cry inside agian

i will smile

and see the light

xxx (:Music:) xxx

i luv music... it is my life .. .so i thought that i'd just post bout it... so here you go music

music is truth
whether it is beautiful or sad
she will never lie to me
her words are innocent and pure

music is always there
in hard moments
and in joyess moments
she will never leave me

music is the party in my head
the beat of my heart
the grace of my motion
I may be ephermal but she is not

Music is accepting
she sings to all
she does not judge
she sets the bar ...
and sets it low

music is my love
my passion
my other half
and last breath

music is my voice
she says it all
she saves me when i am fallin
she is my angel

Music
you can find her anywhere
whether she is spoken
hummed
or whispered

Music is rock
screamo
rap
alternative

Music lifts me up
patches together all my broken peices
she steals my pain away
leaves me numb

Music is my inspiration
she reminds me who i am
renews my soul
and gives me hope
to live just 1 more day

Egytian Meth Hunny

I'm not really sure why they call it Egytian meth cause it isn't even meth... anyways it can be made with some very common household items. Here is a list of the items along with the instructions on how to make these things. I'm not sure if you can just use the hallucigen by itself or not ... or if you have to come down before its just part of the instrustions I got

20 easy steps to Egytian meth ( part 1)

1. Get a bag of fresh step kitty litter.
2. Seperate all the little blue things out
3. Hydrogine proxide
4. Put the hydrogine poroxide in a 2 liter bottle
5. Iodine
6. Add 25 drops to the 2 litter bottle
7. Insert a plastic sergical tube
8. Place the blue things in it but dont let them go down yet
9. Place a balloon on the end of the tube
10. Let blue thingys fall into mixture
11. They should react and cause the balloon to inflate
12. Put a gallon of distilled water into a bucket
13. Add 3 cups of Epsom salts
14. Add ice
15. Take the end of the tube out of the 2 litter bottle
16. DO NOT RELEASE THE GAS!!!
17. Put the open end of tube in water mixter
18. let the gas in the tube flow out into water mixture
19. when it's done pour water mixture through a coffee filter
20. let it dry && snort it(: haha

12 easy steps to Hillbilly Qualudes (comin down) (part 2)

1. A bottle of vitamin C tablets all smashed up
2. A gallon of white vinegar
3. Boil vinegar
4. Add crushed vitamin C
5. Add a box of baking soda to nutralize acid (should bubble)
6. Cook on George foreman grill for 40 min
7. Scrape burnt parts into a jar
8. Add a bottle of magnesium citrate
9. Shake well
10. Pour through a britta filter
11. Add a shot of pepto - bismol ( to avoid vomitting)
12. Drink

10 easy steps for the Hallucigen (part 3)

1. 5 little bottles of hand sanitizer into empty bowl
2. Freeze over night
3. Scrape top top layer next day
4. Scrape of the top of matches onto a plate ( until there is a small pile)
5. Put match top stuff into a jar of distilled water
6. Shake
7. blend in a blender the water mixture and sanitizer
8. pour into glass bowl
9. set the mixture on fire
10. inhale heat vapor

I'll Do What I Have To .... Jut for You

I'll cry for you,

I'll bleed for you,

I'll do whatever I need to,

Just for you.



To make you love me,

To make you care,

To make you wonder,

Why I do these things I do.



Your all I want,

And everthing I need,

I dream the dreams,

Just for you.



So please take my hand,

Tell me you'll always be there,

Say you won't leave me,

No matter what goes on.



What am I talking about,

"I will" is a has been,

I'm already bleeding for you,

Isn't that enough,

What more do you want?



I'm sorry I do these things,

That I dont dance in the rain,

But I cry in it,

Just for you.



I've spent my life,

Waiting, Wanting, Willing,

Believing, Becoming, and Bleeding

Just for you.



I gave you my heart,

You hid it in shame,

Now I'll make it disappear,

Just for you



I'll give you your wish

So here it is,

This bullet,

It just for you

Remember.....

Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground???

When the only protection you were concerned about was wearing a helmet??

When the worst thing you could get from boys were cooties??

Dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and mom was your hero??

Your worst enemies were you siblings??

Race issues were about who could run faster??

When war was only a card game??

the only drug you knew was cough medicine??

When wearing a skirt didn't make you a .....??

When the worst word you knew was that word you dad used while fixing somthing??

The only thing that hurt were your scrapped up knees ??

We just couldn't wait to grow up. Don't you wish you'd take life seriously??

Life's too short to wake up one morning with regrets.

So love the people who treat you right, Forget about the ones who don't

and believe that everything happens for a reason.

Believe in yourself.

Believe in a God.

Believe in your morals.

Whatever you do just believe, just do it for the thrill.

If you get a chance, take it.

If it changes life, let it.

If it takes it, fight it.

Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

! Easter !

I absolutly love easter. Aside from the whole beautiful colors and easter bunny concept, there are so many great meanings and symbols to it. its just so powerful.. haha i really don't feel like writing right now ... so instead I'm just ognna show my passion for spring and easter with images, since everyone knows pictures are worth a million words.

The 100 + things

Lately I've been thinkin about people dying... mostly because I've just seen my 3 favorite movies recently. ( the blind side, the Ultimate gift, and Across the Universe) so i figured that i don't wanna be that old lady tellin kids with regret that they should go out and live their lives. No i wanna be that lady who had the time of her life as a young adult and child, but still was able to make a life for herself. Tellin the kids " your only young once". I wanna live my whole life like I'm dying. So basically I wanna live life with no regrets and do everything i want to do to the best of my ability. In order to remember it all i thought I'd just put them down here. That way they are 4ever in stone. well not quite but. Something i can look back on and check off and reminisce with when in like 40, 50 years. So here it goes, be prepared to be here awhile. I have high hopes and dreams for myself.

1. Skydiving





2. Bungee Jumping





3. Go to Hollywood





4. Live in 90210





5. Learn to Break dance





6. C ~ walk





7. Sing Screamo





8. Live in Austerlia





9. Be confident in myself





10. Rainbow hair





11. Streaking





12. Skinny dipping





13. Make a Million $





14. Go to College





15. House Party





16. Travel to Africa





17. Between the Trees Concert





18. New York Holiday





19. Make over my Fear of the Ocean





20. Try all drugs





21. Work in a Zoo





22. Kiss in the Rain





23. Perfect picnic





24. Own 3 exotic animals





25. Write a song





26. Date a Scene boy





27. Prom queen





28. Visit every U.S State





29. Cheerleader





30. Star on Degrassi





31. Pole Dance / Stripper





32. Get Married





33. Donate 5 gal of blood





34. Visit the Foutian of Love





35. Become Manager





36. Spend a nite/week in Jail





37. Dance in a Thunderstorm





38. Bench 145 lb.





39. Model





40. Be my kids Best Friend





41. Live in the Playboy Mansion





42. Learn to Quilt





43. Loose 15 lb.





44. Stretch All the way in the Splits





45. Ride an Elephant





46. Meet Escape the Fate





47. Live in Europe





48. Be Best Friends With Paris





49. Chill with Eminem





50. Change Someone's Life





51. Learn to Play any Guitar





52. Kiss a Girl





53. Smoke 5 bowls





54. Meet my Mom





55. Own a Great Dane





56. Sleep beneath the Stars





57. Aquire an Italian accent





58. Speak French





59. Own a Ranch





60. Have Kids





61. Grow a garden





62. Million $ shopping Spree





63. Loose control





64. Be in a Parade





65. Join a Band





66. Learn to Crochette





67. Breakdown in someone's arms





68. Screw someone's life





69. Paint a Master peice





70. Be in a Music Video





71. Change my Name





72. Own a Clothing line





73. Get a boob job





74. Have a Life long best friend





75. Become a victum of Somthing bad





76. Keep a dirty secret





77. Aquire patientes





78. Have Lushes hair





79. Be in a commercial





80. Save an Anmial's life





81. Be unpreddictable





82. Be in a movie





83. Not Care what People think





84. Be in a gang





85. Be an Artist of a Famous Quote





86. Love God with All my Heart





87. Be a Heart breaker





88. Own a Yacht





89. Stay a Gymnast





90. Sail down the Amazon





91. Live on San juan Islands





92. Have a Fish tank wall





93. Becoma an idol





94. Dont judge





95. Become a positive person





96. Own a porshe





97. Have 5 mansions





98. Have a record Label





99. Have an Enormos Wardrobe





100. Fall in Love

Just another day 3/26

ugh.. yesterday we did like a big work out in P.E ( body shaping is what I'm taking) and now my abs hurt like really bad. A lot of people were absent today because it was a half day... Miranda wasn't there so i just hung out with Melissa and Elizabeth ( what a whore) during P.E.. hahaha.. normally I don't work out with them because i have my own group with Mackenzie and Sam, but one of Mackenzie's friends Kayla, her group was all skipping so she joined ours so our group had 4 instead o 3 .. so i just joined Melissa because they only had 2 people. Mackenzie kept calling me back, :0 haha.. today we only had periods 1,2 and 3 and we went home at 10:30. Then i went to my other friend Melissa Brotten's house. She has a lotta kewl people on her bus, even though it is completely empty, where as my bus is completely full. Melissa would never know though hahaha cause she was busy with David. He definitely doesn't like me, i think he's just jealous that Melissa spends so much time with her friends. He wouldn't let her sit on the outside so she could be closer to me.. hahaha whatever. They love each other, its actually really sweet. Katie didn't come to school yesterday.. I was a lil' frustrated at first because she was supposed to bring me a black dress. So all i wore to school was a pair of black leggings and a very low black shirt and a little striped sweater with a pair of grey wedges... so all in all i looked like a whore.o well .. everyone said i looked cute .. haha but it was so hard walking up the hill to Melissa's house. it is half a mile and i had a blister an my right foot. : (... o well it was fun .. we had macaroni and cheese, made brownies and ate all of it except the edges, watched music videos, talked, and rode her horses. haha I rode Mandy english and Melissa rode Cali western. it was fun. the only thing is though is that Mandy bit me in the butt! it rained on us a lil' so we decided to go in but when we got in it stopped raining.. of course

New Hair??

Ok so i wanna get my hair cut and colored, but im not sure if my mom will let me. hmm.... she might go for the cut but im no so sure bout the color.i really like a lot of scene hair, but im not sure if im ready to take that step yet. hahaha cause once its done im gonna start getting judged by it and im not sure if i want that. i mean i definatly feel that way inside a lot, not all the time but. i just like hiding it more than showing it.i think i might start by getting that cut and the extensions and then dying it black. then a lil' later i'll get the coontails and color. i know I like it but what do you think ??? Please comment.

It Really Is Me

They tell me I've changed but I'm still me
Can't you see
I've just put up walls
So you have to go through long halls
To get me
Because I'm so scared
That nobody cares
So I'm Sorry I'm different
And I'm a lil' resistant
I just need more time
To be fine
To learn to trust again
To do what I must
To get back to where I used to be
Just wait and see
I'll be fine
Just gotta find what I lack
Then I'll be back
A better me
But first some dirt
And I know there will be some hurt
You might think I've died
Dont worry I'll come out the otherside
Then you will see
It really is me

Victum of Rape

It’s early yet, the month is one
You can’t see me I’ve just begun.
I’m so small I don’t have to hide,
I’m just a little seed inside.

Four weeks later the month is two
I’m so small but still a part of you.
Mommy you’ll love me, wait and see.
You will be so proud of me.

Time is passing the month is three.
Now anybody is able to see me.
I’ve got black hair my eyes are brown
Mom, your gonna love having me around

It’s getting late the month is five,
Mom didn’t want me so I’m no longer alive
Abortion is the name they give it

It takes your life before you live it
I want to be born the month is six
It’s already been done it can’t be fixed
I guess mommy didn’t want me because she threw me away
She’ll never forget me. I’m in her mind to stay

I’ve got a new home the month is seven
God has welcomed me back to heaven
You would have loved me but now I’m gone
Now only my memory carries on

If I was around the month would be eight
I know mommy would have loved me but now it’s too late.

Goodbye mommy the month is nine
If I would have been born things would have been fine
Even though I’m in heaven I still cry
O mommy, why did you make me die?

A Poem from a Tweeker

Hello new friend, my name is DEATH,
some still call me Crystal Meth.
I’m easy to find, and a breeze to make,
just ask around, I make you feel great.
Try me for free, I can afford one hit,
I know if you do, I am hard to quit.
Forget those who love you, I am all you will need,
take my hand, to your death I will lead.
I have no conscience, grief is my soul,
I will not leave you, until your body is cold.
You will meet new people, I am social you see,
I’ll teach you to lie, steal, and cheat.
Your new group of friends, they know me well,
and if we get caught, they will leave you in hell.
I am important, I am the best, I make some rich,
then I destroy the rest.
I’ll keep you awake, unable to work, I make mothers cry,
some call me a jerk.
If you have children, or someone you love, I can destroy them,
remember, I am Meth, the Death Drug.
Don’t look in the mirror, you won’t believe what you see,
the reflection looking back, some say it is me.
I’ll rot your teeth, I’ll destroy your gums,
but just remember, you are having fun.
One important thing, you may not even notice the change,
your mind will not function as it did before I came.
Once you are mine, and you have lost everything,
don’t curse my name, you came looking for me.
I’m very possesive, I’ll take your life,
and if you don’t believe me,
Keep doing ICE.
Now that you know me, and we are friends,
KNOW I AM DEATH, will you love me to the end?